Apoptosis

Trudging along the grey lane

The system stares me down; rough disdain...

I avoid the gaze, go into the center

“Yes Ma’am, I am aware of being on probation

Today I’ll surely try to work hard and fair.”

------------I fail another day

Yet again get the "Mediocre" label

And get out.

This will be another long walk home.

My musings befriend me yet again...

Self-dignity slain

                         Ripped asunder

 What does my role sustain?

 Bounding-off from one blunder to another?

Our well-oiled community surges to perfection...

And yet, units like me stall the scend...

They say,

       Ages ago Bumblers were allowed to thrive too!

Archaic, inefficient!

To think of it-- everyone having the right to Life!

Preposterous.

                    Debris breeding all around,

And nothing to weed them out?

No wonder that world collapsed.

Perfection whirls all around me; Supreme society

Each speck has a measurable contribution--
                                        self-worth, self-dignity

The complete community!

But ...what contribution have I?

Using the benefits, yet returning none

Other than denting the society's pride...

A cripple; by Charity am I run...

What right do I have to continue?

To feed off the commune and yet make it lag

A lowly parasite, I prey on my brethren's toil

And all their support goes to naught,

As I fail to deliver yet again...

A miscarried living-unit!

Self-disgust. First Phase.

What to do now, How to atone?

The only tale I have spun

Is of a failing act!

Never won from a gamble,

         Never converted a chance gifted...

Don’t I care? Of course, I do

Why would my diseased presence

   Sully the community’s attainment?

Non-contributing units are liabilities.

Disposable. Self-analysis. Second Phase.

My final chapter should be nobler, I rule

A prouder tint amidst the shamed grayness...

Self-reformation. To be still useful. Desperately.
                     Third Phase.

As I slowly shift into senescence...

I set the expiration machinery in action

Deft removal of a defunct unit.

        Thoughtful deed relaxing the community burden!

Self-effacement. Neatly programmed, skilfully done.

                                          

                                                     
Thus comes the phase of the close.